I have cancer and it stinks. In my mind I had 2020 mapped out and it was going to be full of fun things, exciting things, new adventures. And none of these fun and exciting adventures involved frequent trips to Houston, surgery, chemo, and the stress and emotional toll cancer has brought with it. But this is where we are, so bring it on. I have my “big girl pants” on (thanks Erin for the ginormous pair big enough to share!) and I’ve cinched them tight.
Cancer is not the worst thing life could throw at me. I am in no way minimizing it, but there are proven, life-saving treatments for cancer. Doctors know what to do. 1 + 1 = 2. Chemo kills cancer cells. Surgery removes tumors. Mine is not the first case of breast cancer the doctors at MD Anderson have seen. They know what to do. But make no mistake, the reason I have no fear of what the future brings is not because of my confidence in the doctors at MD Anderson. It is because I have complete trust in God.
A cancer diagnosis does bring mortality into focus. It makes you realize what a gift each day truly is and that we really aren’t promised tomorrow. But the reality is, I wasn’t promised tomorrow before the diagnosis either. Please don’t misunderstand me. I want to live as many years on this earth as I can. I want to watch my grandchildren grow up. I want to pour myself into their lives and teach them whatever lessons I can about love, family, and Jesus. But I know with every bone in my body that when I take my last breath on this earth, my next breath will be in heaven. God will wipe every tear from my eyes, and I will hear “Well done, good and faithful servant.” And all the people I’ve lost in my life, will be found.
When the worst consequence cancer can throw at you is heaven, cancer has already lost.
Right now I feel like I’m in a tornado. Life is spinning around me faster than I can comprehend. It would be so easy to become caught up in the chaos and fear. The only way I can stop this madness is to reach out and grab onto Jesus. He is my anchor in this storm. When I cling to Him, keep my eyes on Him, the chaos, fear, and madness may continue to swirl around me, but I will be steady and firm, and won’t be swept away. I will keep my arms wrapped tight around Him.
We leave Tuesday for MD Anderson and currently have appointments scheduled on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, but they told us to be prepared to stay longer if more tests were needed. By this time next week we should know what type of breast cancer I have and what the treatment will look like going forward. Thank you for the prayers that have been lifted for me and for my family. We have felt them all.
T.S.CONLAY 