One of the most difficult consequences of my cancer diagnosis to swallow was the fact I was going to lose my hair. I know that in the big scheme of things, it isjust hair, it will grow back, and it shouldn’t be that big a deal when battling a disease that if left untreated could be deadly. But losing my hair is an announcement to the world that “I am sick. I am not well. It’s not business as usual.” I’ve also become aware just how vain I am about my hair! I’ve realized that no matter how “bad” a day was, if it was a good hair day, it was a good day! My hair has always been a huge factor in determining my overall mood. Now that it was going to be stripped away, I was struggling. So in my typical fashion, I made a plan.
Before my treatment began, I went to Kori and got my hair cut to shoulder length to slowly begin getting used to shorter hair. The plan was to go back and get an even shorter cut in between my first and second chemo treatments, then get it buzzed when it began to actually fall out (sometime between day 7 and 21 from my first treatment). I honestly never thought I would even think the words “buzz-cut” and my hair in the same sentence! Then the coronavirus hit and Louisiana shut down. My hair was still going to fall out, but my plan had to adapt.
Honestly, Allie, Madison and I are all pretty “hair-challenged” when it comes to knowing how to style hair. I never could French-braid the girls hair—about the only thing I could do was ponytails and pigtails—and the only time I tried to cut one of the kids’ hair, Allie ended up with crooked, half-inch bangs I’m still apologizing to her for! So my new “plan” was pretty far out in left field—Madison could cut my hair! Madison watched a YouTube video, gathered the supplies and set up shop on the back patio. Allie joined us via FaceTime for moral support and encouragement. The scene was a bit surreal. I sat looking at the beauty of the blue sky, the bright spring green of the trees and the calm of the lake, listening to the song of the birds, as I was wrapped in a black trash bag waiting for Madison to cut my hair. Never in a million years could I have imagined this moment!
Things overheard during my haircut…
- Me: You could cut it longer because it will curl up when it dries. Madison: Oh, shoot!
- Madison: I think the mistake I made was switching your haircut halfway through. The bottom is a pixie cut but the top is a lot longer because I don’t know what I’m doing.
- Madison: This is the most “Papaw” thing Mom’s ever done.
- Allie: Let Mom go try fixing it with her curling iron. Madison: There’s not a curling iron on earth that can help this.
- Madison: The back, for the record, looks great.
- Madison: I mean this in the best way possible, the side looks kind of like a chicken wing.
They say laughter is good medicine and the girls and I all had a big dose Thursday afternoon! We were experiencing the kind of laughter where you can hardly catch your breath. I’m sure the fishermen who had been watching this little episode unfold thought we had lost our minds. In the midst of a pandemic and quarantine and losing my hair, we found JOY!!!!!!! Belly laughing, from the tip of our toes, joy! I have a verse hanging on my back door, “Then He turned my sorrow into joy! He took away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy!” (Psalm 30:11). God took something that I was mourning over—the loss of my hair—and made it into the greatest joy I have felt in this journey! He continues to shower me with His blessings and His presence.
This has been a good week of rest. I’ve been able to continue walking and I’m back up to three miles each day. The side effects have been minimal and I am so very thankful for that answered prayer! We will be heading back to Houston next Thursday for appointments and chemo round two on Friday. For now, family is no longer allowed in MDA due to COVID-19 so this round of chemo will be solo. But that’s ok, I won’t really be alone.
T.S.CONLAY 