Rhythm

Life with cancer has fallen into a rhythm. There is an ebb and flow to our days that is comforting, routine, normal. I am the first one up in the mornings and I sit in my chair with a cup of coffee and pray, read and usually do some journaling. It is peaceful with the ticking of my great-grandfather’s clock and Gary’s quiet snoring from the other room. As the household begins to stir there are walks to be taken, chores to be done, art projects to work on and life to be lived. Life has not stopped—even with quarantine rules—it has simply shifted into a new kind of normal.

As a child of the 60s and 70s, my first exposure to the book of Ecclesiastes was through those great theologians, The Byrds. I loved the song Turn! Turn! Turn! By the time I sang it almost daily in the 70s, it was considered an “oldie”! My parents had a stack of records—including the entire Kingston Trio collection—I would shuffle through, and a giant record player that was set into a coffee table. The speakers were built into the ends of the table and you slid back the top of the center section to expose the turntable underneath. I didn’t have The Byrds album, only the 45 rpm record, so I would put the little yellow tab in the center to play it on my turntable. Ahhh, good memories.

If you don’t have a coffee table stereo you can always listen to this classic on Spotify. 

To everything (turn, turn, turn)
There is a season (turn, turn, turn)
And a time to every purpose, under heaven…

God understands that our lives need routine, structure, rhythm. We need to have those “givens” in life—the sun will rise in the east and set every evening in the west. Winter will turn into spring. Without structure our lives devolve into chaos and the human mind does not usually handle chaos and change well. Solomon begins the third chapter of Ecclesiastes with the words, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven,” followed by a list of common life experiences. Each of these activities form a rhythm in life, a season, each with its own perfect timing. “A time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,” 3:2. “A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,” 3:4 Although we may try to exert control over the rhythms of these seasons of life, ultimate control rests solely with God. Peace amidst the chaos of this season of cancer, pandemic and financial meltdown can only come when resting in God’s perfect plan and His perfect timing. 

In the slower paced life of quarantine and cancer, I am learning to savor each day more fully. Time continues to pass in the same sixty-second increments, but the ticking of the clock is no longer in charge of my day. Without errands to run and must-do tasks to accomplish, I have the freedom to enjoy the song of the birds in the morning and the beauty of the sun setting on the lake. God has allowed this season in my life and will use it for His good purposes. I am taking each day as it comes, still planning for the future, but holding those plans much looser, preferring to place them squarely in God’s good hands. Seasons of cancer, pandemic and financial uncertainty will pass into seasons of God’s good choosing. Turn, turn, turn.

With only one more A/C treatment to go, I am almost to the end of the first part of my chemotherapy regimen. I am comfortable knowing what to expect from these treatments—what the chemotherapy itself is like, the side effects, how long it takes for the soreness, fatigue and general yuckiness to pass. It has been a blessing to have a week between treatments where I feel good and almost back to my old self before the next round. I know this rhythm will change soon as I transition to different drugs and therapies and weekly infusions. We will find another new rhythm and it, too, will be good.