I am a planner, organizer, and strategist, so give me a good to-do list and I’m in my comfort zone. When this journey first began I asked my oncologist what I could do to help heal my body and he told me three things: keep a positive attitude, eat a healthy diet, and make sure I get as much exercise as I can. The rest, he said, was up to MDA.
I’ve been doing my part: making sure I eat plenty of iron-rich foods, drinking more water than I ever thought possible, focusing on plant-based proteins and vitamin-rich berries, and cutting back on sugar (except for the occasional—ok, fairly often—Klondike bar). With very few exceptions I’ve walked three miles every day—some days slower than others, but still at a fairly good pace. I’ve started a light boot-camp routine to rebuild muscle lost from chemo. I’m doing everything I can to be physically strong and healthy. So far I’ve experienced few side effects, and with this new immunotherapy/chemotherapy regimen I feel good. It has been a blessing to feel good and I’m going to enjoy every minute of it!
The last item on my to-do list is keeping a positive attitude. Some days this is easy—others not so much. But this is where I have to focus the bulk of my energy and attention because of the tremendous affect my attitude has on my willingness to eat right and exercise, enjoy life, and to fight my cancer. Attitude really is everything in this battle.
We all know people who are glass half-full people and glass half-empty people. Depending on the day and situation, I can fall into either camp. Thankfully, as I’ve walked this journey of life, I’ve learned another truth—most times, the glass is refillable. It may take effort on our part, but even a nearly empty glass doesn’t have to stay that way. When I find myself with a half-empty, or nearly empty, glass, I’ve found there are some things that help me get back on a more positive track.
The first truth I try to remember is there is always, always, always something to be grateful for in every situation in life. Losing my hair was not something I thought I could put a positive spin on, but I’m enjoying how quickly I can get dressed each morning when I don’t have to spend 30 minutes drying and styling my hair! “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18) I will be glad when my hair grows back and I look like myself again, but today I am enjoying how much time I am saving each morning.
It also helps me to have the goal of being healed and a life back to normal in mind, while keeping my focus on what I need to do just for today. Madison has made a giant chart (literally 6 feet tall!) that covers the next four months, showing my scheduled treatments, daily exercise goals, special days, and notes of encouragement. This lets me see at a glance the big picture, and to see where I’m headed. But I can’t do everything on that chart at once—I have to eat that elephant one bite at a time. “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:34) I know where I’m headed, but my focus is squarely on the step I need to accomplish today. I’ll deal with tomorrow tomorrow.
For me the key has been to remember that I may have very little control over what comes my way—triple negative breast cancer or tumors that don’t respond to standard chemotherapy—but I always have a choice in how I view these situations. Psychologists call this reframing—taking a negative external event and reframing it in a more positive light. I can choose to see the fact that my tumors did not respond to traditional chemotherapy with doom and gloom, or I can see the fact that my tumors did not respond as the gateway that opened the door to my receiving a new type of therapy that will hopefully lead to being cancer free for many years to come. And because my tumors did not respond, I get to participate in a clinical trial that could lead to a targeted therapy for triple negative breast cancer, which is pretty cool beans. Paul tells us in 2 Corinthians 10:5 that we are to “demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” Bad things are going to happen in life and bring with them negative thoughts. These negative thoughts can tempt me to doubt God’s goodness, His provision for me, and His promises. When I become aware that those negative thoughts are trying to take hold, I can choose to capture them and test them against God’s truth. If it isn’t true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8) I should cast it out and replace it with God’s truth. That’s how I begin to refill my glass.
This past Friday and my upcoming treatment this week are Abraxane (chemotherapy) only treatments. So far I’ve felt great and I’m praying this continues throughout the next ten weeks of treatment. Eating that elephant one treatment at a time.
T.S.CONLAY 