Giving It A Rest

Taking it easy and slowing down don’t come naturally to me. I am rarely still and tend to always be on the move from one activity to the next throughout my day. Multi-tasking is my middle name—even when Gary and I watch a movie in the evening I am always working on a needlepoint project to keep my hands busy. Slowing down is not something I am accustomed to. That’s why this past week has been such a struggle.

When I was receiving the a/c chemo, there would be a couple of days each cycle when I experienced quite a bit of fatigue, but I could usually push through it. During the first three weeks of the new regimen, my energy level was high. I felt really good—like my old self, only without hair! This past week, however, I saw a noticeable change in my energy level. Whereas the week before I could go for my morning three mile walk, clean the house, work on a project, prop my feet up for 30 minutes after lunch and keep going for the rest of the afternoon,  I was now finding each 30 minute activity required an hour or more of rest in between. The harder I tried to push myself to keep going, the more I needed to rest. Hard-headedness was not going to win this battle because my body was forcing me to slow down.

After speaking the heavens and the earth and all that are in them into being God didn’t immediately begin His next task, He rested. Genesis 2:2-3 says, “By the seventh day God had finished his work, and so he rested. God blessed the seventh day and made it special because on that day he rested from his work.” God wasn’t suddenly exhausted from all His hard work and needed to rest. He rested to show that His work of creation was done and to give us a pattern to follow. Work followed by rest. Rest is necessary for us to recharge, refocus, and listen for God’s direction.

As I’ve been “resting” this week I’ve had a lot of time to think about what motivates me to do the things I do every day. I’ve discovered my busyness tends to fall into one of four categories: 

• Busyness because I have to. Right now, two days of every week are spent traveling to and from Houston and getting treatments. Even when I am less than excited to be on the road yet again, it has to be done.
• Busyness because I enjoy what I’m doing. This is the best kind of busy! Planning and preparing for our “Camp Conlay” family vacation. Making brownies and setting up for a “porch party” with friends. Spending the day creating in my studio. Planning the perfect wedding. These are the things that bring joy and excitement to my day. And even though they take a lot of time and energy, this kind of busy recharges my heart. 
• Busyness because I’m trying to impress someone or earn God’s favor. When having company in my house was a thing, before anyone stepped foot inside, I spent hours making sure every knick-knack was dusted, the floors were swept and mopped, and not a thing was out of place. No one has stepped foot inside my house since February, yet every week I still dust and mop and make sure my house is “company ready” at all times. Who am I trying to impress? Certainly not Argos! It’s easy to get stuck here with my faith too. If I pray more, serve more, share Jesus more, then God will be impressed. I have to be busy for Jesus so God will be proud of me. But that’s not how it works. God loves me and deems me righteous and accepted because of what Christ did on the cross, not because of anything I could do. I don’t have to impress God—I simply need to rest in the finished work of Christ.
• Busyness because I don’t trust God to meet my needs. God’s word is filled with His promises to meet our needs. Our days are filled trying to meet our wants on our own. This dichotomy is the source of much of the anxiety we feel. I have to recognize my biggest need is not being healed from cancer or being financially secure—it is for a relationship with Him. There is nothing I can do to make Him love me more. That’s where the rest comes in. When I slow down and quiet the busyness of life I am a better listener. I can hear God’s love in the song of the birds and feel it in the whisper of the breeze. God has always provided for my needs and I trust He will continue to do so because He loves me unconditionally.

When I complained about not having enough energy to my oncologist he just chuckled. I’ve only known him since February, but he has me totally pegged. He said voluntarily slowing down was going to be the hardest thing I’ve had to do so far, but it was necessary and it would only be temporary. So I’m learning to slow down and rest. I know my physical energy level will return one day and I can’t wait. For now, I’m going to focus my limited energy on the things that matter, the things that bring me joy, and learn to live with the imperfections of dusty picture frames and ironing yet to be done. I hope when things return to “normal” I can remember the lessons I am learning in this season, to continue to rest in God’s love and embrace even in the midst of the busyness of every day life.