Waiting

When my cancer was diagnosed in February, I knew treatment would take time. But in my mind, I thought we would do a little chemo, have a little surgery, and be ready to go on vacation by the end of summer. After talking with the doctors I realized my timetable was a little off. Well, quite a bit off actually. Getting rid of cancer takes time and patience, especially a booger like triple negative breast cancer. This week marked 20 weeks since my first appointments at MD Anderson, 17 weeks since my first chemotherapy infusion. I still have a long way to go, but the end is in sight and I know the plan that’s going to get me there. Barring any surprises uncovered during surgery, my final cancer treatment will be an immunotherapy infusion on November 13–17 weeks from now. I will still have reconstruction surgery ahead, but it cannot be done until six months after radiation. That’s ok because I will be cancer free and my life will no longer be ruled by a disease I have come to hate. But today we wait. And I do not usually wait well.

There’s a lot of waiting in the Bible. Abraham and Sarah waiting for the son God promised them. The Israelites waiting to enter the Promised Land. David waiting to lead as king of Israel. Anna and Simeon waiting to see the Messiah. I was reminded this weekend of my favorite “waiter,” Joseph. God blessed him and used him, but he went through some tough times and long periods of waiting first. His brothers threw him in a pit and sold him into slavery in Egypt. Just when things started to look up, he was thrown into prison because of a false accusation. Joseph kept his eyes on God and at the end of his journey, he was able to tell his brothers, “As far as I am concerned, God turned into good what you meant for evil,” (Genesis 50:20) Life knocks us all down sometimes. But if we wait well, using our time to grow closer to God, the bad things that happen can turn into blessings. At the end of my cancer journey, I want to be able to say to cancer “As far as I am concerned, God turned my cancer into good.”